


Lean On

by philsdrill



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (well almost), Fainting, Fluff, M/M, Pain, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, TATINOF, phanfic, phanfluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philsdrill/pseuds/philsdrill
Summary: It’s halfway into the tour and Dan’s feeling a bit run down. When he doesn’t have the energy, Phil is a shoulder to lean on. Inspired bythesephotos from dapgo.





	Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by ‘Lean On’ by Major Lazer, DJ Snake & MØ (I’m a big fan of MØ - saw her live like a month before I wrote this and it was amazing)
> 
> If you happen to have read this before, I posted this in November 2016 on tumblr. Also if anyone's interested in following me on tumblr - I'm more active on there and there's more fics - you can find me at [philsdrill](https://philsdrill.tumblr.com).

**Phil's POV:**

We were nearing halfway into the tour, and from what we’d heard, this was the hardest point. We’d been on the road so long, yet the end was still felt so far away. Everyone was tired; everyone was struggling to get through their tasks each day. We were approaching our venue for this evening, and Dan and I were getting together our rucksacks of personal belongings to take inside. We needed our laptops and chargers, and towels and shampoo for a shower.

Once the bus had stopped outside, and we hopefully had all the belongings we needed, we got off of the bus and went into the venue. I had my pillow in case I got a chance to have a nap, but Dan hadn’t brought such an item on tour with him. He seemed to be relying on the bus and hotel pillows, which were a bit variable in comfiness.

Once inside the venue, Dan and I were shown to our green room, where we could relax for a bit before we got ready for the show. Dan immediately headed for one of the sofas and sat down, leaning back in exhaustion.

“Tired?” I asked him, noticing his posture was worse than usual.

“Yeah,” he said, “I just couldn’t get comfortable last night and I kept bashing all my body parts on the sides of my bunk.”

“Aww, I’m guessing you’d like a nap then. Do you want me to shower first?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” Dan replied, “I think I’ll literally collapse on stage if I don’t get any sleep.”

“How long do you want me to let you sleep?” I asked him, before heading into the small bathroom with my stuff.

“Wake me up when you’re out the shower,” he said, “I need to shower too, and I’ve got stuff I need to do on my laptop.”

“Okay,” I nodded, now shutting the door of the bathroom, “You try and get some sleep.”

I got into the shower and started to wash myself, glad that Dan had a small opportunity to get some sleep. He hadn’t really been himself the whole afternoon, and I was a bit worried. I hoped that some sleep would get him back to his usual cheeriness.

I took my time in the shower and getting dried, not having the heart to wake Dan up too soon. I was maybe around forty five minutes in the bathroom, before I emerged back into the green room.

I was expecting to see Dan stretched out on the sofa with his eyes shut, and maybe even snoring a little, but instead he was curled up and bawling his eyes out. I immediately wished I hadn’t taken so long in the shower; I didn’t know how long he’d been like this.

“Dan,” I said, sitting down next to him, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t get to sleep because I’m just so stressed about everything and I’m so tired that it physically hurts to move,” he complained, the words being choked out of his mouth between sobs.

I shuffled over and lifted his head onto my lap, then bent down to give him a hug, “What particularly is stressing you?”

“I don’t know. I’m just constantly worried I’m going to fuck something up in the show. I have the gaming video to edit. My emails are piling up more than I know what to do with. That guy is following us around with a camera for the documentary and I feel like I don’t get any peace,” Dan rambled, “He even came in when you were in the shower, but I told him that I didn’t want to be filmed.”

I started to rub Dan’s back a little, and noticed a lot of tension, when he suddenly hissed and jumped away, “Please don’t. My back hurts from sleeping in that bunk and jumping around all over a stage each day isn’t exactly helping.”

“Have you taken painkillers for it?” I asked him.

“Yeah, but not since breakfast. I think I’ve lost them somewhere,” he admitted.

“I’ve got some,” I said, reaching for my bag, “But you should tell me these things instead of suffering alone. You help me out when I’m feeling travelsick; this works both ways.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Dan said, “I’ve just been too tired to make the effort.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, “Just next time maybe mention that something’s up and I’ll do my best to help you.”

“Mmm,” Dan replied.

“I’m going to grab you a bottle of water from over there,” I told him, “Can you sit up or would you like a hand?”

“I’ll manage,” Dan said, miserably, probably not wanting to admit he would like some help.

I got Dan a bottle of water and returned to his side, unscrewing the lid as I went. I handed him the bottle and popped him out a couple of pills, doing little things for him to save him the effort. It looked like he was going to need every last ounce of his energy for the show.

Dan swallowed the painkillers, took a drink, then leant his head back tiredly against the back of the sofa. I returned the lid to the bottle and sat back down next to him.

“Once those have kicked in, maybe you’ll be able to get some sleep,” I told him, “Don’t worry about the video; I’ll make a start on it. As for the camera guy, I’ll make sure he doesn’t come in here.”

“Can you stay here?” Dan asked me, “I don’t feel too good, but I know it’s just the tiredness.”

“Sure,” I said, “Though I’ll move to the other seat when you’re ready to sleep so you can spread out on this one.”

“Thanks,” Dan replied, moving his head from the back of the sofa to my shoulder.

I slumped my shoulder a little to make it more comfortable for him, and let him use me as someone to lean on, “Give the painkillers half an hour and you’ll hopefully be able to sleep.”

As it happened, Dan fell asleep on my shoulder before the half hour was up. Escaping from underneath him, I gently lowered him to the sofa. There were no cushions on the sofas so I decided to loan him my pillow. I found it quite comfortable and I hoped he would too.

Opening up Dan’s bag, I brought out a black fleece blanket and tucked it around him. I took his laptop and set myself up on the next sofa with it on my lap. I plugged in my headphones to keep the sounds of our video from reaching Dan’s ears, found the file, and began to edit. It was an episode of undertale, so it would take quite a while. I probably wouldn’t get it finished today, but I could make a start. The fact the episodes were so long freaked Dan out a bit. He struggled to commit the time to do it.

Glad to be doing Dan a favour, I made good progress with the editing. Around an hour had passed and I knew I’d have to wake him up in about another hour. As long as he had enough time to shower and get himself together before the meetup. The video was now in my hands, and I wasn’t letting him anywhere near the emails; they could wait.

A knock sounded on the door and I quickly leapt up to open it and make sure that whoever was there would be quiet. I opened the door to my brother and put my finger to my lips, “Shhhh.”

“Is Dan sleeping?” Martyn asked quietly.

“Yeah,” I replied, following him out into the hallway, “I’ve just discovered that he hasn’t been sleeping well on the bus and has a sore back. He had a bit of a breakdown. Says he’s so tired he feels a bit sick and it hurts to move.”

“Oh dear,” Martyn said, “You think he’ll be okay for the meetup and the show?”

“He’ll do it, even if he’s not,” I reminded him, “You know how he doesn’t like to disappoint. There’s instant coffee and a kettle in here, so I’ll make him one of those when he’s up, but I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I’m slightly at a loose end at the moment,” Martyn said, “We have the merch stall set up, and everyone knows what they’re doing with everything else. Do you want me to go out and see if I can pick him up something from a pharmacy?”

“That would be great if you could,” I told him, “But what?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ask one of the staff if they have anything that helps… say ‘tiredness leading to slight physical pain and nausea’ or do we call it fatigue?” Martyn asked.

“I have no idea. That sounds good though,” I told him, “And could you pick up a pack of paracetamol and some heat pads while you’re there?”

“Sure thing,” he said, “I’ll head off now. Anything else you’re needing?”

“I don’t think so,” I said, trying to rack my brains to think if there was anything else.

“Okay,” he said, turning away, “I’ll be off, text me if you think of anything else.”

Martyn left and I quietly re-entered the room. Fortunately Dan hadn’t woken up during the exchange. I was in the process of lifting Dan’s laptop back onto my knee, when the door creeped open and our film guy, Chris walked in.

“Is it alright to… oh,” he said trailing off when he saw Dan asleep.

I got up and went out into the corridor with him, “Can you not film Dan’s private time today? And that includes mine if he’s there. He’s not feeling his best and really needs some sleep.”

“Of course, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” Chris apologised, “He snapped at me a little when I came in earlier, but I was guessing you’d be back by now.”

“He was having a bit of a breakdown,” I admitted, “But it’s nothing on the scale of Dan breakdowns. He’ll be okay, just needs a little bit of looking after.”

“Okay,” Chris nodded, “And when do you want me to keep off filming until?”

“Tomorrow probably,” I told him, “Assume that unless I say otherwise.”

“Right well I’ll leave you to look after him. Tell him I’m sorry for coming in earlier and I hope he feels better soon,” Chris said as he left.

“Will do,” I said cheerily as he disappeared around a corner.

I returned to my editing until Martyn returned. He softly knocked once on the door and slowly pushed it open.

“Hey,” he whispered, after seeing that Dan was still asleep, “How’s he doing?”

“No idea,” I said, “He’s been fast asleep since you left.”

“Oh good,” Martyn said, “I’m glad.”

“Okay,” he said, sitting down next to me on the sofa and unzipping his rucksack, “I’ve got some medicine. It sounds like it’ll help.”

Martyn produced a bottle of medicine and handed it to me. I studied the label and agreed with him that it looked like the job. He then brought some more packages out of his bag and handed them to me one by one.

“Paracetamol. Heat pads. Oh and I got some sleeping pills,” Martyn said, passing me the items, “I explained the situation and they thought that might help. They also gave some generic tips such as no technology an hour before bed, and to have some herbal tea.”

“Yeah, Dan’s never been one for that rule,” I laughed, “But I’m sure he’ll try the pills. Thank you. I’ll pay you back for these later.”

“Don’t worry about it; it’s no problem,” Martyn said, “Happy to help. I’ll leave you to it though. You should probably wake him up soon.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “I feel so bad doing it, but there’s not any time to let him sleep longer.”

“Okay, see you later,” Martyn said, leaving the room as I got up to go over to Dan.

“Dan,” I said loudly, giving him a gentle nudge, “You need to get up now, okay?”

Dan stirred a little, so I kept talking to him until he became conscious, “Huurhgh.”

“I’m sorry, but we need to get ready for the meetup now,” I told him, “I’ve let you sleep as long as you can, but if you want a shower you need to get up now.”

“I caaan’tt be bothered,” Dann said, drawing out the words, “But it’s really important ‘cause they’re all going to want to know what I smell like.”

“Dan, if you’re not feeling up to it, just spray on a ton of deodorant and some aftershave,” I suggested, “I doubt they’ll notice.”

“Urgh, I don’t know,” he complained.

“Anyway, how are you feeling?” I asked him, “Has the sleep helped?”

“Hopefully? I’m really fucking drowsy and I still feel terrible, but maybe not quite so bad,” he told me.

“Okay, well while you were asleep, Martyn went to the pharmacy for you,” I told him, “He got you this medicine which’ll hopefully help you feel a bit better. Then we have more paracetamol for your back, and some heat pads to help with that. Also he’s bought some sleeping pills on recommendation from the pharmacist, so you can try those tonight if you want.”

“Oh wow, thanks,” he said, “I need to say thanks to him too.”

“How about you take this just now?” I suggested, holding up the bottle of medicine, “You just need to sit up; I’ll do the rest.”

I went to where the kettle was to find a spoon, and brought the medicine over to Dan. He let out a few groans as he pulled himself up to a seated position. I knelt on the floor beside him, as that seemed like the best angle, and carefully poured out a spoonful of the medicine. I moved the spoon towards Dan’s mouth, trying not to spill it on him in the process, and let him swallow it off the spoon. I then repeated the process with a second spoon, and returned the lid to the bottle.

“Hopefully that’ll help,” I said, now getting up to sit next to him on the sofa, “Now take it easy at the meet up; nothing unnecessarily energetic. I’ll make sure you can take the odd break if you need to. You need all the energy you can get for the show.”

“Uh-huh,” Dan nodded, “And yeah, that would be good.”

“Another thing,” I started, “For tonight, I think you should sleep in my bed. Your back isn’t going to get better if you keep sleeping in the same way which hurt it.”

“But like what about Chris and his cameras?” Dan asked, worriedly, “Will you need to sleep somewhere else?”

“I can either sleep with you or in your bunk,” I explained, “I’ll let you decide on that one. As for Chris, I’ve already told him not to bother you until tomorrow, so I’ll just make sure he knows not to film any of the sleeping arrangements. Oh by the way, he’s sorry about barging in earlier and he hopes you feel a bit better soon.”

Dan nodded, “I can’t kick you out your bed; you can stay. And thanks for sorting things out with him. I was just too tired to deal with it rationally earlier.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, patting him on the shoulder, “Now, would you like a coffee? It won’t be anything amazing, it’s just instant coffee, but it’s caffeine.”

“Yeah, thanks, that would be great,” Dan replied, sinking back into the sofa.

“Okay, I’ll make you it. You stay there and relax,” I said to him, “Then once you’ve had the coffee, you can get yourself sorted out with clean clothes and deodorant. You’ve got plenty of time.”

I traversed the room and put the kettle on, in the end deciding that I could probably benefit from a coffee too. Eventually, after waiting about five years for it to boil, I made up the coffees, added milk, and brought them over to Dan.

I sat next to him while we both drank our coffees, asking if he was okay other than his back and his energy levels.

“Yeah, I’m not actually sick, or at least I really hope I’m not. I just feel tired enough to be,” he admitted, “Like you a few weeks ago.”

“Yeah that wasn’t great,” I commented, “I really hope you don’t have that.”

“Me too,” Dan said, “But I’m almost positive it’s just the exhaustion catching up on me.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “If you haven’t been sleeping well then I’m sure that’s all that’s wrong. And we’ll work on that - my bed tonight and we’re in a hotel tomorrow so that should help.”

“God, I’m looking forward to that,” Dan said, “Sleeping in a bed that’s actually big enough, isn’t moving and might be made from something other than rocks.”

“That sounds amazing,” I said, “People don’t realise how underrated comfortable beds are.”

We finished our coffees and started to get ready for our meetup. Dan was feeling a little more lively, presumably the result of the medicine and the coffee. Dan went to the bathroom to spray himself with deodorant and get changed. While he was in there, our makeup team came into our dressing room and made a start on me.

Eventually we were both suitably well presented, and it was time for us to head to the meetup room. On the way there, I spoke to our security guy, Louie, and told him that Dan might need the odd five minute break, and not to fight us on it. After explaining Dan’s exhaustion and sore back, he agreed and we devised a way of getting the message across to him so he could keep the next fans from coming.

The meetup went well, at least to me it seemed that way. Dan seemed to be managing, and not taking the odd break like I’d expected. Eventually I intervened and forced him to sit down for a few minutes, after noticing he looked in pain. I went to where I’d left my rucksack nearby and brought him a bottle of water and some paracetamol, because it had been long enough that he could have more.

The entire time he was sat on the floor, Dan seemed itching to be back on his feet, wanting to get the meetup over with. Once he’d taken the painkillers and had a drink of water, there wasn’t much I could do to stop him. We gave Louie the signal to send the next fan towards us, and we got back into the swing of things: bending down to hug them, signing their books and replying to their questions.

The meetup over, we then had some time backstage to get ready for the show. Dan and I returned to our dressing room, where he again sat down on the sofa, with a sigh. I picked up the box of heat pads from the stuff Martyn had brought us and started to read the instructions, trying to figure out whether this was something he could use now or if he should wait until after the show. Heat pads weren’t something I’d ever used, but it was one of the first things that sprung to mind that might help. Hot water bottles were good for that sort of thing, but we didn’t have one with us.

The back of the box said that they would be warm for approximately an hour, but you could peel it off at any time. It struck me that it could be an idea for Dan to wear one as we got ready for the show. I didn’t even have to persuade him to try it out; he was obviously in enough pain to want to do something about it. I got him to take his shirt off and lay down on his front, so I could apply it for him. After a bit of guidance as to the location, I squeezed it to activate it and stuck it down on his back.

After confirming it was warm, Dan returned his shirt to its rightful location on his body, and we began to get ready. Our extra costumes were already set out at the edge of the stage. We got dressed in our initial outfits, straightened our hair, got our stage makeup on and our microphones fitted. In the last ten minutes, Dan and I stood just off stage, rehearsing a few of the lines we were less confident with. I had almost forgotten about it, but I remembered about the heating pad. Dan lifted his shirt up and I carefully peeled it off, avoiding the microphone cable that ran up his back.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked him, “Back? Energy?”

“My back feels fine at the moment,” he told me, “And I think I’ll make it through the show. I am going to bed the second we get back on the bus though.”

“Okay, that’s good,” I said, “One of the crew is going to have a coffee made for you when you go to take your llama legs off, and I’ll have the odd opportunity to check you’re okay when we’re behind the microwave.”

I gave Dan a hug before we went on stage, really hoping that he would make it through this okay. I was worried about him, and it was the most I could do at that moment.

Dan and I went onto the stage and welcomed the audience. He suddenly had a smile on his face and a bounce in his step, but I knew it was all put on. I hoped the audience wouldn’t see through the façade. The first part of the show, both of us spent on the stage, but he got a little break about half an hour in when he went to remove the llama legs I had supposedly bestowed upon him. I wished I could be out there with him to check he was okay, but I was busy doing my ‘weird kid’ section. I had put my trust in our crew to look after him.

When Dan returned, we did a section together, then I had to leave him alone while he did his “Uncle Dan Phone Support Hotline’. For about ten minutes I sat watching him from the side of the stage, both concerned, but also glad to see that he was doing okay.

After we did the bit with the crafts, I finally had a moment with Dan offstage. We had both disappeared into the microwave, but actually, we were turning ourselves into old men.

“How’re you doing?” I asked Dan, as I got my beige coat on.

“Alright,” Dan replied, “Like I’m fucking exhausted but I’m coping.”

“We only have like half an hour left; you can do this,” I told him.

Dan smiled weakly, but finished getting his old man outfit on. We didn’t have any more time to talk because we needed to get ourselves back into the microwave. The microwave pinged, and Dan and I stumbled out, hunched backs and acting as much like old men as we could. We got through the pinof scene, but I felt that every time Dan was pretending to have a sore back for his old man role, he was just having a break from hiding his own pain. Today the pain on his face was genuine, rather than put on for the show.

I felt incredibly bad when Dan had to drag me into the microwave, knowing that every second of it was hurting his back further. I did my best to help, but there was only so much I could move myself without it ruining my dead look. Once we were backstage to take off our old man costumes, I saw Dan wiping a few tears from his face, putting on a brave face, one that was almost harsh with determination.

We only had about a minute to take off our old man stuff and remove the whiskers, so I took the opportunity to give Dan a little pep talk, as we rubbed the whiskers from each other’s faces.

“Not long left now,” I told him, “I’m so sorry if pulling me into the microwave hurt your back more, there wasn’t much I could do.”

“It’s not too bad at the moment,” Dan said, “Like the painkillers and the heat pack have worked a bit.”

“Oh good,” I said, “Still, take it easy while we ‘do the dishes’. Just do one lot of plates, I’ll do the rest, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan nodded, as we finished removing the whiskers.

I had the sudden urge to give him a hug, so I enveloped him in a quick embrace before we ran back through to the microwave. From the way he relaxed into my arms for a fraction of a second, I could feel the exhaustion radiating from his body.

Suddenly, we had to be back on stage, and we hurried out of the microwave, struggling not to trip over our own feet or forget out lines. We both put our utmost attention into getting everything right for the rest of the show. As we got closer to the end, and hadn’t messed anything up yet, it seemed more and more likely. To be honest I was a little surprised that Dan hadn’t messed up - I would have if I was that tired - but he seemed to have mustered the strength to keep going.

We got to our musical number at the end, and I knew that the dance was going to be the true test for Dan. He had a little minute to compose himself, as the spotlight was focused on me, but soon enough we were both singing and dancing all across the stage. It was at the couple of points our eyes met, that I noticed the true despair in Dan’s eyes. We both sung, ‘without the internet, we never would have met’, but I could see in Dan’s eyes he was elsewhere. I was amazed by his acting skills; I would’ve struggled to keep it together if I was in his place.

As we disappeared into the microwave for the last time, Dan truly crumbled. As we walked into the backstage area, I noticed a sway in his step and a dazed look on his face. I was worried, and about to ask him if he was okay, when he brought it up himself.

“Phil, I kinda feel like I’m going to pass out or something,” Dan said wearily.

Instantly, I brought my hands around his waist and told him to sit down. I couldn’t have him falling; that was not a good idea from six feet up in the air. I guided Dan down to the floor, his legs almost collapsing underneath him. I sat with him between my knees, giving him somebody to lean on.

“Can someone get him a bottle of water?” I demanded loudly, looking at the crew members who were nearby, looking on worriedly.

Seconds later, a bottle of water was given to me. I opened it up and held it to Dan’s lips, tilting it a little so he could drink. I brought my other hand to his forehead; it was roasting with sweat pouring off it. It was warmer than it should’ve been, but then he would be tired out and warm from the exercise.

I lifted the gold hat from Dan’s head and brushed his fringe out of his face, sweeping it on top of his head in some sort of messy quiff. Putting the water down for a second, I helped him out of the golden coat, tossing it to the side. I let Dan drink some more water, before eventually asking him how he was feeling.

“Everything was spinning, but it’s more or less stopped now,” he said, “I feel kinda nauseous though.”

“Do you need a bucket or something?” I asked concerned.

“No, I think I’ll be fine. I just need to sit down for a while,” he said, “Can you help… more water?”

I lifted the bottle for him again, now putting my hand on his other shoulder supportively. As he drank I suddenly noticed our crew around us, trying to ask what was wrong.

“He’s super tired and feeling a bit unwell after all the dancing and everything,” I explained, “Just give him a bit of space.”

“Can I get anything?” one of our crew asked, worriedly, the others taking a step back.

“A wet cloth or some kitchen roll or something, and a dry one,” I suggested, “And if there’s any ready salted crisps or something around?”

“I’ll get the cloths, somebody look for crisps,” she said, disappearing off somewhere.

Someone else went to look for crisps, and I started gently rubbing my hand up and down Dan’s back. I let him continue to drink, but I wasn’t forcing him to get up anytime soon. I knew that it would be best for us to get back on the bus as soon as possible, so he could get to bed, but that would be a bad idea at the moment. Plus, we were both in desperate need of a shower.

The two members of our crew who had gone to find cloths and crisps both returned successfully. I took the cold wet cloth and patted it against Dan’s forehead a few times before eventually holding it there.

“That’s good,” he said, shutting his eyes.

“No falling asleep yet,” I teased him, “Do you think you could eat some crisps? They’ll help replace all that salt you’ve sweated out.”

“I feel kinda sick though,” he complained.

“Just try one or two,” I said, “They might make you feel better.”

Dan hesitantly ate a couple of crisps, then after about five minutes he decided to continue making his way through the packet. I continued to hold the cold cloth to his head, replacing it with a second one when it got too warm.

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked him as he finished the crisps.

“Yeah actually, you can probably take that cloth away now,” he said, “I’ve cooled down and I don’t really feel sick now.”

“Okay, that’s good,” I smiled, moving the cloth away and drying his forehead with a dry one, “I think we should get you back to our green room now.”

“I’m not really sure if I can stand yet,” Dan said slowly.

“I’ll help you,” I said, “And we’ll stand up slowly.”

I moved from behind Dan so that he was now sitting up himself, and moved to beside him. I put my arm around his shoulders and got him to do the same to me. This could work, but Dan could probably do with some support at his other side too.

“Louie,” I called out to our security guy, “Can you give us a hand?”

“Sure,” he said, coming over, “How is it I can help?”

“Can you take Dan’s other side? Just like what I’m doing,” I explained.

Louie agreed to help, and a few seconds we had Dan on his feet, securely supported between me and Louie. Dan suddenly turned towards me, dipped his head and leant it on my shoulder.

“You okay there?” I asked him, looking down with concern.

“Yeah, just everything started to spin a little. It’s fine now, but I feel a bit weird,” he explained.

Louie, Dan and I took our first few tentative steps in the direction of our dressing room. Dan seemed to be okay so we picked up the pace slightly. When we got there, Louie and I sat him down on the sofa.

“You need a hand with anything else?” Louie asked me, “Or do you want me to go?”

“Could you stay with him while I take a quick shower?” I asked him, “Don’t let him fall asleep, because if he can, he’s showering after me.”

“Yeah sure, but I don’t think him showering is the best idea. You know, how he seems to be on the verge of collapsing,” Louie said.

“I know what you mean, but if he sits down and keeps the door unlocked then everything should be fine,” I said, “We’ll see how he is once I’m out.”

I bent down to give Dan a little hug, before grabbing my stuff and heading for the bathroom. I stripped and got into the shower as quickly as I could, then proceeding to do a high speed job of washing myself. Despite having showered earlier, I was now covered in a layer of sweat from the show. It wasn’t just the exercise, it was the heat from the stage lighting.

I got washed and dried as quickly as I could without missing any bits, and then put some clothes on. I was back in our dressing room in under ten minutes.

Dan was splayed out on one sofa, looking sorry for himself, with Louie speaking to him from the other sofa. I could see he was doing his best to keep Dan entertained, but it couldn’t be easy.

I lifted Dan’s feet up, sat down and replaced then on my lap, “Hey.”

“Hmm,” Dan mumbled in response.

“Feeling much better?” I asked.

“Just tired really now,” he said, “Well and some back pain but I don’t have the energy to think about it.”

“Well how about you have a quick shower and then we can go out to the bus,” I suggested.

“Yeah, sounds like a plan,” Dan nodded.

I looked out Dan’s stuff for him: shampoo, shower gel, a loofah, a towel and some fresh clothes. For his clothes I picked out something he could wear as pyjamas, because he’d be heading straight to bed once we got back on the bus.

I handed Dan his pile of stuff and gave him a gentle shove in the direction of the bathroom.

“Please sit down while you shower,” I reminded him, “And if you need anything or any help, then shout.”

“Okay,” Dan nodded, going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him, but as I’d recommended to him, not locking it.

While Dan was in the shower, I decided to sort out our belongings so that we could head back to the bus sooner. I packed away all of my stuff, just leaving out some chocolate. I had a theory that Dan could do with some sugar, but I’d ask him once he was out. I made sure not to leave the dressing room while he was in the shower, periodically shouting through the door to him to make sure he was still conscious.

After about twenty minutes, Dan walked out of the bathroom, his face red, and his hair damp and curly. He still looked tired, but the colour in his cheeks made him look a bit better.

“Hey,” I said, “How was that? How’re you feeling?”

“It was good, I feel less like a sticky sea creature,” he told me, laughing slightly, “But I’m ready to sleep for a week.”

“Well I’ve tidied up most of our things,” I told him, “You just need to finish getting your stuff together, and then we can head out to the bus.”

“Yeah, but the rest of the crew won’t be ready yet,” Dan said.

“Doesn’t mean we can’t get on the bus,” I reminded him, “They’ll join us when they’re ready. You can go to sleep before we’ve set off.”

“Oh yeah, good point,” he replied, “I didn’t think of that… brain’s not awake.”

“It’s fine,” I laughed, “C’mon, get yourself organised and then we can go. Do you want any chocolate?”

Dan refused the chocolate, informing me that he had just brushed his teeth so he’d better not. I helped him to fold up his blanket and finish packing his stuff away. When we were ready to go, we went to find Louie, who would take us to the bus.

Louie, knowing Dan’s exhausted state, was happy to take us to the bus, and in fact, stayed with us to ensure our safety. Our fans would still be leaving the theatre, and the bus may gain some interest from those who see it. They wouldn’t expect us to be back at the bus yet, but it was Louie’s job to deal with any trouble.

I took Dan to my bedroom, and pulled back the covers for him to get into bed. He seemed a bit hesitant to be taking my bed, but I insisted that I would join him in a while. I had to change into pyjamas myself, and was still undecided whether I’d stay up with the rest of the crew or not.

I sat with Dan until he was asleep, which unsurprisingly wasn’t very long. I put my pyjamas on so I was comfortable, and decided I’d stay up until my brother was back. After Dan, he was the person I was closest to on this trip, and I’d feel better getting my worries about Dan off my chest.

Martyn was one of the next people to come back to the bus. Once our audience had left, they packed up the merch and made their way back to the bus. The crew members who were packing up the set would take a while longer. I approached him once he’d entered the bus and laid his stuff down.

“Hey,” I said to him, keeping my voice fairly quiet, “Dan’s asleep now. I thought it was best to get him back here as soon as possible.”

“How’s his back?” Martyn whispered, “Will he survive another night in those bunks?”

“He’s in my bed; I didn’t want him to hurt it further,” I explained, “I think it’s still bothering him, though the painkillers and heat pad helped him through the show.”

“Are you sleeping in his bunk then?” Martyn said, “What if you get travelsick?”

“Nah we’re sharing,” I told him, “Dan didn’t want to chuck me out my bed. As for getting travelsick, I don’t know how I’d do in a bunk, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Are you okay with sharing with him?” Martyn asked, sounding a tad concerned.

“Yeah, doesn’t bother me one bit,” I told him, “We live together, we’ve fallen asleep on each other before. It won’t even be the first time we’ve shared a bed.”

“Do I want to know?” Martyn asked, a joking look of disapproval on his face.

“It’s nothing weird; Dan just sometimes needs a bit of company if he’s having a crisis,” I explained.

“Okay, I’m glad,” Martyn said, “I’d have nothing against it being anything more, but you are my innocent little brother.”

“Dan and I aren’t together,” I laughed.

For all Martyn knew, what I told him could’ve been a complete lie. For now, Dan and I liked to say we weren’t together. Whether there was anything more to our friendship than met the eye, well that was a secret.

“I’m going to head to bed,” I told Martyn, “I could do with some sleep too, and I’m not sure I really want to leave him alone for too long. Can you just make sure that no one says anything about our sleeping arrangements? I don’t want to start untrue rumours. And keep Chris out, Dan’s feeling like his privacy is being invaded a bit. He’s sensitive at the moment.”

“Yeah, of course,” Martyn replied, giving me a brotherly pat on the back, “You go get some sleep. That show must be exhausting.”

I said goodnight to Martyn, before heading back to my bedroom. I shut the door quietly and then carefully got into bed next to Dan, doing my best not to disturb him.

“Phil,” Dan mumbled peering over at me.

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I told him.

“I wasn’t asleep yet,” he mumbled.

“Is something wrong?” I asked him, “I thought you were.”

“I was kinda, but I just…. I don’t even know,” he trailed off.

“Do you need anything? A drink of water? A hot chocolate? A hug?” I asked him.

“Can… can I get a hug?” he said nervously, sitting up.

“Of course,” I said, bringing my arms around him and rubbing his back a little.

I could feel the weight of Dan’s tired body in my arms, and his head as he rested it on my shoulder. I felt that he was shaking a little, so I continued to rub his back in hope that it would calm him down a little.

“You’re shaking,” I mentioned, “Are you cold?”

“Just anxious about the tour,” Dan said, “And about this sore back and my lack of time to do anything.”

“Are you needing some painkillers?” I asked him.

“Maybe, I don’t know. It hurts a bit but I can’t be bothered,” he said.

“Two minutes,” I said, releasing him from the hug, “I’ll get you some.”

I got out of bed, went to the kitchen to get a cup of water, and grabbed the paracetamol from my bag. I rejoined Dan in bed and passed them over to him.

“That’ll help you relax, not having to think about the pain,” I told him, as he took the pills, “I could get you the sleeping tablets too, but you shouldn’t need them; you’re tired enough.”

“Yeah,” he said, “That was why I didn’t say anything. I thought I’d fall asleep soon enough. I guess I was feeling down enough for it to keep me awake.”

Once we’d put the empty cup to the side, I took Dan back into a hug, encouraging him to relax, “Don’t worry if you fall asleep on me, okay. I’ll get you laid down and under the duvet if you do.”

“Thanks,” he said, now properly sinking into my arms.

I could again feel Dan’s weight against me, and his exhaustion was obvious. I rubbed his back a little again, but taking care because I knew it was sore. I slowed down the action as Dan’s breathing started to slow, drawing him towards sleep.

Once Dan was asleep on my shoulder, I very slowly lowered him down onto the bed, making sure that his back wasn’t bent or twisted. I pulled the covers up over us and kept myself close to him, not wanting him to notice the lack of my body heat and be drawn from his slumber.

I didn’t really give thought to the fact that we might be found hugging in the morning as I shut my eyes and went to sleep myself. Dan was warm, and needed the support, and I wasn’t going to deprive him of it.

That night in a better bed made Dan feel a lot better. I got up before him, and made sure everyone else on the bus kept quiet enough to give him a long lie. When he emerged around lunchtime, he was a lot cheerier than he had been the previous day. His back was still bothering him a little, but it seemed that a night in a better position and on a better mattress had done it wonders.

That night we made one of our few stops in a hotel, which was a relief for both of us. I found it nice to have some time not spent on a moving vehicle, where I could actually look at words and screens without feeling like I was about to throw up. It was good for Dan, to give his back a break from the constant vibrations and bus beds. That evening, I made sure he took good care of himself, and the pair of us had a relaxing evening. I ran him a bath, and afterwards we watched a film together, Dan with another heat pack applied to his back. The pain was going, but I was making sure he kept on top of it while he could.

When we returned to the bus, Dan decided he would face his bunk again. That resulted in a knock on my door at two in the morning, and a miserable looking Dan trailing a blanket with him. He couldn’t sleep, and had come to me in search of the sleeping pills he knew I had for him somewhere. I let him take one, but invited him into my bed, this time making it a permanent invite that would last the rest of the tour. I couldn’t have him being uncomfortable sad and alone. That wasn’t something you did to your best friend, or whatever you want to label it. I let him share my bed, held him in my arms when he needed the support, and from there on in, we were there for each other to lean on.


End file.
